What the Hell is Going On ?

Who said we have the best health care system in the world?  Was it Obama ?  No, who would believe him anyway?  Was it Hannity ?  Yeah, maybe it was Hannity.  Welcome to America, home of the greatest health care system in the world.  Who is he kidding ?  I happen to be sitting in the hospital with my mother.  She is, as luck would have it, a  recipient of this stellar health care that we are so privileged to enjoy.  We started at the emergency room waiting area.  I could not decide if the woman at the desk was an administrative assistant or a retired haunted house tour guide.  Loads of personality were dripping off of this one.  We enter the triage unit (aka The how are you gonna pay room).  No worries, we have loads of insurance and medicare to boot.  Hooray, we will be here until they run the gambit of known medical test.

We are now in an ER room.  Immediately, they begin IV fluids.  Why, I ask.  I was told, "that's what we do".  Here is why they do it.  If the doctor orders two bags of fluids, and the nurse sets the drip on "as freaking slow as possible", they don't have to look at you for the first three hours.  Perfect, all the rooms are now full of people getting fluids.  The real emergencies can wait until the next shift.  I'm sorry you have an ice pick in your labia.  If you will have a seat, someone will be with you on Thursday.  Our rooms are full of people with out insurance who are receiving their much needed 8 gallons of IV fluids.  Now, my mother was sent here by her doctor.  I wonder about the rest.  One guy is here for a freaking toothache.

This the front line of our wonderful system.  The term emergency is laughable.  No one is here for an emergency.  They are here for common ailments.  Most can't pay, so the patients with insurance get loads of unneeded test to cover the bill.  I am convinced of it.  We have been here for 6 hours and have yet to see a doctor.  Wait; here he comes.  I suspect he finished somewhere in the middle of class in some "island" medical school.  He is in 50's and working as a staff doc in the ER.  That alone speaks volumes about his skill level.  It will however, be nice to get some idea of what we can expect from the greatest system in the world.  Happy day, we will be here for the next 72 hours.  We will enjoy a CT scan with contrast,  an EKG, a heart Cathe, a stress test, 900 blood test for every infectious disease known to man, a little oxygen, an upper GI series, and if there is still time, a nasal gastric tube will be inserted just to be safe.  Dude, the woman had a little fall and hit her head.  Her doctor sent her here to have the knot checked out.  She is 80 for God's sake.  "Must run test".  Yeah, Yeah I know, "must run test".

I would define an emergency room as a place with a high sense of urgency.  Not so much.  The nurses, and trust me there are plenty, are piled around the desk enjoying what appears to be a birthday cake.  It has a pot leaf on top; so obviously, Doc Marley is the man of the hour.  I have been given a task.  They have dear old Mom hooked to what looks like a wiring harness from the space shuttle.  Every time she moves an alarm goes of to tell the staff that her heart has quit beating.  The nurse said the machine is too sensitive, so I should just hit the reset button when it sounds.  Now, understand, it goes off every 60 to 90 seconds.  It emits an ear splitting screech that should send the staff into a code blue.  Not here.  I just reach up and turn it off every minute or so.  This is standard operating procedure.  I can tell this, because the alarms are going off in every room.  No one blinks.  If someone goes into cardiac arrest, they are toast.  I may go to jail for turning off the machine.  God knows it would have to be better than sitting here.

I apologize for the rant, but I had to vent.  I am sure that the next 17 hours of treatment will be a lesson in the efficiency of our excellent system.  Have a good evening.

Atlanta Traffic

It is true.  The city of Atlanta has the worst traffic and drivers in the country.  I have lived in the great state of Georgia for 45 years and it never ceases to amaze me.  I have tried to disprove this unloyal statement, but I have to be honest.  The reason is multifaceted.  There is the never ending road construction, the fact that absolutely no sane person wants to live in the city, and the absolute lack of talent behind the wheel.  The delays are never clearly defined.  We wait for hours for no apparent purpose.  Try it.  Drive into Atlanta from either direction, and you will experience some sort of massive traffic jam.  I would like to share a conversation that I had with a co-worker last week.

 Is it a wreck ?  No.  Is it construction ?  Ummm no.  What is it ?  It appears to be 50,000 people stopped for no apparent reason.  Are you kidding me ?  I wish I were.  I can see it breaking up a couple of miles ahead, but I cannot tell you why that half of the states population is going .003 miles per hour.  Maybe there is a real good billboard up ahead that takes a minute to completely capture.  Maybe they are having a naming ceremony for a bridge or something.  Let me guess, Maynard Jackson or Dr. King.  Are we close to Hudson Bridge Road?  The people on the east side of Atlanta can't get out of their driveway without hitting everything but the daily double, and we gave them a highway of their own (I-675).  The fact that they can't use it without a daily fatality is comical at best.  Wait; I think it is breaking up.  I have nothing.  There is no wreck and no construction.  Just a minute, there is a guy leaning on a shovel.  He has three lanes shut down.  There is no sign giving notice.  It is rush hour, and this real man of genius is leaning on a garden utensil holding up the world.  That's it; I'm whipping his ass.  No no, stay in the car.  He has to work for the county in some fashion, and they hire the retarded.  Not by policy.  We elect the retarded, and they enjoy being around their peers.  Do they really hire the retarded ?  They don't start out that way.  They end up that way.  Maybe that guy with shovel is just standing there for the hell of it.  It is possible ?  He could be like those guys in town who wash windows or give directions for a dollar.  Are those folks homeless ?  No, they work for Fulton County.  They actually have a union.  You are full of shit.  They may as well have a union.  No one will do anything about it.  We are forced to be considerate of the chemically dependant.  The guy with the shovel could shut down I-75 just to beg for change, and there would be a reason why it isn't his fault.  This conversation has gotten awful political.  I thought we were talking about traffic.  We were, but it is all tied together.  The city and county goverments suck.  The city is the home of one of the greatest engineering schools in the country, and they can't figure out how to move traffic in and out.  Again, no one is staying. We drive into work, and spend all day wanting to get the hell out.  Put an exit at the Airport, Turner Field, Ga Tech, Phillips arena, and the capital. Then, close the rest.  Put 10 lanes north and 10 lanes south.  Set the speed limit at 85, and let it ride.  Let an outside contractor do the work.  This will eliminate the need for retarded people to take pay offs under the table.  Hopefully the project will be finished by the time the olympics come back to town.  It is bad.  Slow down; it is stopping again.  You have got to be freakin kidding me.  Nope, here we go again.  I would rather take an ass beating than to put up with this everyday.  I know what you mean.  Oh my God.  It is that same guy with the shovel.  No way.  I'm not shitting you; that's him.  It can't be.  Are you sayin that all retarded people look alike.  No, I'm just saying that....nevermind.  We have got to get off; I have to piss.  You just pissed 3 miles back.  I know, but that was two hours ago.  Don't remind me.  please don't remind me.

School Pride Runs Deep

Sorry about the extended hiatus.  The much spoken of lump of excrement hit the fan at approximately 331 miles per hour this summer.  Work turned into a 24/7 commitment.  It has not changed, but I am determined to recover a portion of my normal existence even if it places me in the unemployment line.

I recently set aside a little time and attended the state championship basketball play offs for the Georgia Independent Schools Association.  My experience was mixed.  It was a complete study in both the parental dedication and the social awareness of adults in my community.

My son attends a private school in Macon Georgia.  I am biased.  Most of my negative observations were derived from the "opposing team".  However, the truth must be presented.  In short, that's the way it was.  If the experience were any different, trust me, I would let the readers know.  It wasn't.

To understand the atmosphere, I must first provide a little history about the schools in Macon, Georgia.  The public school system serves approximately 25,000 students.  However, I would estimate that approximately 6000 students attend private schools or home schools.  There are many reasons for the large number of private schools in our community.  I will not begin to discuss all.  Two reasons remain evident.  Half of these schools were founded during integration, and practically all have religious based curriculum.   That is not to say that these reasons still exist.  The schools have been around so long that they now exist on their own merits.  I don't believe that parents place their children in private schools based on racial or religious prejudice.  Each school has it's own community that includes students, faculty, parents, family, and alumni. The rivalries are real.  The ties are strong.  The schools are proud and the parents support all aspects of the institution.  That is the reason for their existence.  Think about the pride one feels for the college they attended.  That is the same emotion we feel for our high schools.  Some of the old pains are still evident.  It is unfortunate, but it is true.  I still say that parents make the financial sacrifice, because of the overall experience and the closeness that one feels at these schools.  That is enough history. Now on to the game.

Sports rivalries in the south are and continue to be a religious experience.  Not so much at the professional level (with the exception of the Atlanta Braves), but primarily at the high school and college level.  Today, I am addressing High School Sports.  The emotions are not only based on the team, but also on the fact that the players are our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, neighbors and friends.  It runs deep, and we mean business.  We talk about local teens like they were professional athletes.  We recruit in early grades.  We have youth leagues that display the talents of 5,6,and 7 year old children.  We focus on the talent.  It is not a politically correct process.  We are not here to make sure everyone gets equal playing time.  We are here to win, period.  Winning isn't everything, it is the only thing.  This passion is not built totally around the desire to be the winner,  A large portion is based around the desire to destroy the opponent.  We take as much pride in the fact that you lost as we do in picking up a win.  I know that sounds bad, seeing that I am discussing high school sports, but I have to look you in the eye and say, so what !  I can't explain it.  That is just the way it is. 

My recent attendance at the basketball finals exposed this unreasonable desire to win.  As expected, the players always want to win; I am discussing the desire of the parents and fans.  I witnessed verbal assaults on opposing players.  Profanity used on every bad play.  Understand, it was not a public spectacle.  Here is an example; the parent yells "come on catch the ball".  He then leans over to a buddy and whispers "that son of a bitch couldn't catch the bird flu in a Chinese bath house".  The feral anger that was directed at the game officials was not so discreet.  If the call was close to being questionable, the pitch forks and shovels were raised.  If the game is close. parents close their eyes as if they were in a horror movie.  I will often go to the restroom and listen to the crowd to determine the results of the game.  I get to anxious.  I always remained reserved.  If someone observed me, they would not know that I was pulling for either team.  That exponentially increases my inner emotions.  I am big on demeanor.  Always be respectful.  I must say; it is all an act.  We want our children to be successful and, we want our team to be successful for one reason.  If they are successful, then so are we.  Our efforts and sacrifices are justified.  We stand a little taller.  We walk a little prouder.  That spirit sticker in our car window not only shows school pride, it reminds the driver behind you that we kicked your ass last night. 

I have many close friends that attend rival schools.  When we arrive at the game, we are cordial.  We shakes hands, and hug each others wives.  We ask about the kids and family.  We talk about scheduling a golf game or possibly a hand of poker.  "How is work"?  "Did y'all catch any fish last week end ?  In a matter of minutes, the preliminaries are over.  The game is about to begin, and I want your kid to fail and fail miserably.  I want them to miss every shot, strike out, fumble the ball, get pinned in record time, throw an interception, and generally play the worst game of their life.  I will pat them on the back afterwards and take him out for a big o' pizza.  But make no mistake about it; I wouldn't have it any other way.  I can't explain it. It's not personal.  It is communal.  We all understand it.  The feeling is mutual.  Everyone has their own camp, and to each his own. 

The girls state championship is tonight; so let's prepare.  The battle will ensue.  All logical rational will cease to exist and for a few minutes we will focus on our personal desire to conquer.  The game will end; the smoke will clear and all will smile and nod.  "Good game he said."  "Damn right it was a good game."  "We put a foot in your rear end."  "We'll get you next time."  "Yeah right, if our team bus flies over a cliff on the way to the game, you might have a chance."  Do you want to have lunch on Monday?" "Absolutely"

To coin an old Georgia phrase, it is good clean hate.  But understand; it is healthy.  It builds pride, character, and respect among the students, and it allows us grown ups to hang onto those glory days that we so miss.  It also creates a sense of community that will help keep the schools successful for years to come.  O well back to the game; wait a damn minute...."foul !  what do you mean foul ?  You blind SOB, get it the game for God's sake.  You suck!!  Man, I love this stuff.